And with a big yawn I return... ah Constant Reader, the life of the humble jet boy. I appear to have missed a night's sleep somewhere along the way. Mexico was amazing! Tragically my Spanish hasn't preceeded beyond "Esta Biene" but it was an excellent vacance - even with the week-long squitage.

As that Maria woman would say "Let's start at the very beginning" as it IS a very good place to start.

DAY ONE

We flew out on Easter Sunday after getting up at sparrow-fart for a morning flight from Gatport Airwick. Because it was all booked with Kuoni we had to fly direct with Monarch Airlines. Owen observed quite rightly that the whole Monarch operation is based on fear... people fight to get upgraded! We had been automatically upgraded prior to going due to a cancellation - needless to say O didn't get the extra legroom money he had paid in the interim returned. The Premium class equates to a standard airline seat with standard airline service. Usually on Monarch you sit in cramped seat space and pay for all drinks. I happily buried myself in SECRET DREAMS a biography of Michael Redgrave by director Alan Strachan and let the pilot get on with his job. I tried watching CORPSE BRIDE on the digital tv contraption but couldn't concentrate - I never can on flights. Apart from once when I discovered ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER in the film choice options - a bit foolish cos it always makes me cry. Buckets. The stewardesses probably still talk about the man bawling his eyes out on the aisle-seat.

We arrived at Cancun airport and waited with sinking dread for our luggage. Premium class means you get your bags taken off the plane first. Not in Cancun. Ours was last. I presume some damn pinko union thinking behind that. We then met the Kuoni rep Rosario and waited another yonk for the people-carrier to speed us off to Playa del Carmen. After about an hour's drive we arrived at our hotel, the rather fab LAS PALAPAS. We were the only Kuoni guests there - I should say we were the only English-speaking Kuoni guests there, the hotel is Swiss-owned so the bulk of the guests seemed to be German/French. Brits and Americans seemed to fill in the gaps. After being checked in by Norman - a man who gives good solomn - we were shown to our cabana which was away from the beach & pool in a secluded part of the tropical grounds. It was quite marvellous. After exploring the hotel grounds and wandering down to the beach - hardly populated in the late Sunday afternoon sun - we got ready for our first schlep into town. In a haze of Calvin Klein White, Aqua Di Gio and Mozzy repellent we set off.

Turning left at the top of the hotel drive we found ourselves at the start of Playa del Carmen's Fifth Avenue which like it's NY cousin is the main thoroughfare in the town which is where the best restaurants and bars are found. And tourist shops of course! When Owen described it to me before I quietly dreaded it, I expected another Luxor or Hua Hin where it was difficult to walk 5 paces without making a new persistant annoying friend wanting to sell you something. But no, Fifth Avenue is great to prominade down, mainly pedestrian-only, colourful and buzzing at night with the sounds of competing Mariachi bands and salsa cds in the many restaurants and bars. We finally deceided to eat at MEDIA LUNA which was an excellent choice! A mountain of freshly-made Guacamole to start, a delicious Caesar Salad and a couple of Coronas was the perfect way to end the day.