For 27 years the BBC has been doing this... you would think by now they would have worked out a way not to make it toe-curlingly crap.

Terry Wogan is truly a walking - waddling - car crash. I have never understood how he keeps getting the gig. The missed cues... the alzheimer stares as he has no idea what to say leaving so much dead air hanging... the sheer preening awfulness of someone who thinks he is charisma personified. This year his care assistant is the vacuum that is Ferne Cotton, a fine example of the tv presenter WHO! SPEAKS! LIKE! THIS! AND! REACTS! LIKE! A! FEEB! IN! A! HALL! OF! MIRRORS!

There are usually specially-filmed riffs on BBC shows - there was an absolute hilaire one of HOTEL BABYLON being taken over by Sybil Fawlty and other stragglers from 80s sitcoms.. Paul Shane, June Whitfield, Vicki Michele et al.... They cut back to the studio and at least Prunella Scales had the grace to look thoroughly ashamed. The nadir of the evening must have been a NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS special betwixt Radios 1 & 2... jokes about Terry Wogan's recent airing of his basket on tv died the death of eight dogs with a stony-silent audience and he didn't look too happy either. A total dog show. The Sparse Girls comeback single was the official CIN single so they appeared on film from LA miming. Sums it all up really. The BBC were obviously so thrilled with this they didn't even include it in the round-up compilation although they did have them miming STOP. Indeed.